Yes, You Can Find Calm Inside This Chaos.
Hey there – You, beautiful one. I have a secret for you. But – before I share it I want you to pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Feel your body against your chair, your bed, the ground, wherever you are. Breathe. Deeply. Inhale. Exhale. And again. Surrender yourself to this space, to this moment. Relax into your body and place both hands over your heart. Are you ready?
Now…here is the secret-
You are allowed to feel peace. You are allowed to feel joy. Even if all you see around you is chaos. You have permission to access peace. To remain in the quiet alignment of your soul. And the biggest secret of all? You are allowed to feel divine love.
Life is so much juicier than we’ve been led to believe. Our world is filled with magic, and our bodies contain ancient knowledge we’re meant to unlock. When we unlock the magic and the wisdom of our souls, we know intimately and completely joy, peace, and love.
Joy. Peace. Love. If it seems too good to be true, I can assure you it isn’t. If you think you will need to add more doings, more spiritual work, more ‘self-help,’ more this or more that, I can tell you you won’t. If you’re willing to unravel a bit (or a lot) and allow the onion layers to peel off your skin, your energy field, your thoughts, your beliefs, and you peel away enough to sit in the essence of YOU, in the company of your very own soul and you allow yourself the privilege to simply BE there – to not do anything but to BE – that’s where the magic is hiding. There you’ll find the peace, the joy, the love – Magic.
It’s there, lying in wait, hoping you’ll come and find it. How do I know this? Because if I could find it, you can. Do I live in perfect harmonic bliss every moment of every day? Ummmm, no. I’m human. I’m unlearning a lot of patterns that deny peace, love, and joy. But – Do I know how to reconnect, regulate my nervous system, and tap into the one-ness of divine love on a regular basis? Yes. And that, my love, is what my heart desires to share with yours.
We’ve all been on massive journeys of challenge, healing, and self-discovery lately, and I am no different. My advantage in the matter might have been in that I had already been on a decades-long wandering back to self before the world turned upside down. I was fairly prepared to surrender and trust my inner knowing to guide me – a skill I’ve relied on to guide me (and my family) constantly throughout these times. Now, at this point in my journey, I feel called to do what I can to help others find their own magic.
You, reader, might be wondering what exactly has my wandering through healing looked like? The short answer might be that I’ve transformed from hyper-vigilance and near-constant depletion to well…to not that? I’m not certain the details are important, but rather, I’m thinking some broad brush strokes will do.
I’ve been drawn to different forms of healing and discovery for as long as I can remember. I used to dance to my Enya CD before middle school, I started yoga classes regularly in college, I’ve dabbled in everything from acupuncture to ayurveda to shamanic journeying to well, you name it, I’ve probably investigated it. Interestingly enough, despite all my work ‘to heal,’ (which began as a quest to heal debilitating digestive + gut health issues) it kind of became more of just that – work – until one day when I decided….Enough.
I was enough and I didn’t need external ‘fixing.’ And I began to heal in a softer, gentler, more compassionate way. The layers began to fall away, one unearthing leading to another, until I found myself (mostly) free of the contracts I made that didn’t serve me, free to stop sacrificing myself in the name of pleasing others. Free to be me.
I found solace and comfort in the fundamental knowledge that I am a divine being in human form. From there, the corresponding ability to drop into limitless love any time I need to has been a salve on the road to peace. By not doing more, but by being still, I know the undeniable presence of Spirit in my life. I am consciously aware of the magnificent freedom of unraveling enough of the yarns we spin, and the tales we tell ourselves. I learned to claim my life.
Joy. Alignment. A regulated nervous system. Peace. These are our birthright and yet they remain elusive to so many. An intellectual thought – another goal to reach. I am here, tangible proof to share these aren’t some unattainable states to read about in a self-help book. They are a way of being, a life practice, a choice of the soul journey, a commitment to deep inner work. They are the essence of spirit, the connective force of humanity, the truth we knew as a newborn but forgot as we grew.
As with anyone, my journey has been long and winding, and one that could be told in a myriad of ways. I’ll attempt to summarize briefly in an explosion of phrases. Feel free to skim, to skip, to peruse, to let them land anyway they will. These aren’t in a particular order, and they haven’t been boxes to check but spirals and weavings and open ended conversations and – you get it – you’ve probably been in some of these places too.
joy-filled, extremely highly sensitive person, writer, anxiety, chronic fatigue, depression, lucky in Love, miscarriages, generational mental illness, perfectionism, misophonia (it’s a real thing I promise), boundary-less empath, nervous system explosion, physical pain, nature lover, certified yoga instructor, motherhood, channel of love, complete unraveling, healing crisis, rewriting my own story, medium, energy healer, music loving, feeler of divine love, cosmic creator, and here we are.
Here we are indeed. What a privilege it is. I want you to feel your magic. I want you to know the divine radiance inside you. I want you to uncover your peace, joy, and love.
It’s time. The world needs you.
Later, after the birth of my son (now 10) and daughter (now 8), I found myself needing to discover a way out of postpartum anxiety and depression, which served to add to my repertoire of methods for self-acceptance and a truer self-love.
Even so, chronic fatigue, bouts of illness, depression, and anxiety have woven their way in and out of my life for years. I’m no stranger to feeling low – the complete exhaustion and shattered heart of a nervous system who has felt too much.
At times, people don’t get it. People who are not highly sensitive can’t understand that my brain and all my senses are neurologically programmed to pick up on every minute detail around me. My sensory stimulation is on overdrive – all the time.
It is literally the way I’m made. I can’t turn it off, as much as I would like to.
So I’ve had to develop tools to maintain my physical health, mental stability, and spiritual inspiration. I’ve turned the most challenging part of my being into my most valued asset. I listen to the messages my body sends me – whether it be a stomach ache telling me something is wrong, fatigue reminding me to restore and replenish, or a jittery feeling calling my spirit back to meditation. My finely tuned ‘mother’s intuition’ allows me to tap into my children on a deep level – giving me the ability to support them in a holistic manner, being certain their spirits are thriving as well. I prioritize my love affair with the arts, with beauty, with the world around us, as I’ve learned the hard way that if I plow through the monotony of mundane tasks I travel dangerously close to depression. I’ve learned to light up my space on this earth with my sparkle, to access my Divine Light, so that I can show up as the best version of me I can be.
My desire to live fully connected with my mind, body, and spirit led me to write my first book: There Was Supposed To Be a Baby: A Guide to Healing After Pregnancy Loss. I’ve created and facilitated workshops and retreats for grieving mothers. I am a certified yoga instructor, with added certs in yoga for kids and yoga for fertility. Additionally, I hold a BA in Elementary Education, an MA in Special Education, and have worked with countless children ages 2-10.
More recently, I’ve been unwinding from the limiting beliefs that hold us back from shining, the “rule book” so many of us mothers live by. I’ve been deconstructing and rewriting the rules, and healing on an even deeper level. Finally, in a realization that I was attempting to qualify as a ‘good mother’ by sacrificing my inner sanctuary of well being, I learned to let go, to surrender, and to accept and honor the authentic bits of me who hid in the shadows.
Over the course of this work and life in the past few years, I’ve released myself from many of the rules, harsh judgements, and self critical behaviors that were keeping my heart from wholeness and alignment. I’ve learned what true self-care looks like – what compassion for self and soul can do to change a life. I’ve quieted the inner voice that tells me I’m not enough so that I can hear the one that guides me to connection and joy.
I want you to feel this way too. Lighter. Loved. Aligned. Grounded. Clear. You can. A life of full hearted passion you’ve been imagining is waiting for you.